Swear to everloving god I came up with the title before I found this. God bless you, interwebs.
I am a beer snob. I am a big believer in the twin principles that a) there are brews that are as complex and rewarding to the palate as the finest vintage of wine, and b) mocking crappy American beer is not only my birthright, it is a moral imperative.
The difference between a beer drinker and a beer snob is that a beer drinker values "drinkability" while a beer snob values "what I'm drinking not sucking".
Now, the decision of certain beer marketers made a little while back to start pushing "drinkability" is a pretty brilliant one, because a) most Americans are beer drinkers, not beer snobs, and b) what they're selling is, in fact, drinkable as all get-out.
It wasn't until my friend Jason pointed it out to me that I got why, though: (most) Americans want a beer they can drink vast quantities of without actually noticing because they don't drink to enjoy what they're drinking, they drink to get drunk.
While I'm not opposed to getting drunk, necessarily, I like to point out that the way to get drunk in an intellectually honest way is to pound shots, or (for the more classically minded) swill moonshine from a Mason jar. You drink "beer" like Bud/Coors/Miller/et. al. because you want to get hammered, and you haven't got the stones to admit it to yourself until you've had a few.
I would like to make an exception for a little thing called "BL Lime" I discovered at a Beer-themed Amusement Park (tm) earlier this summer. It's refreshing, delicious, and will get you drunk if you drink enough of it. Of course, it's not actually beer. It's a lime-and-beer flavored alcoholic soda. Which is actually pretty awesome.
I can drink this, because it's not actually beer.
When it comes to drinking at home, however, I will stick to my snobby microbrews and imports, thank you very much. The title of this post refers to the fact that I went to undergrad in Texas, and thus have the command "drink Shiner Bock" imprinted on the small lizard part of my brain. I just found a local liquor store that stocks it at reasonable prices; I will be opening a tab with them soon, just like I did at that other purveyor of addictive substances, Rita's Water Ice.
A special note before I go to people who thing Yuengling is "good beer" (here's looking at you, Nate): I did my grad work near Philadelphia, where Yuengling flows like water, and the novelty quickly wears off. You should know: That is not good beer. That is Bud with a brunette dye job. The fact that they have the nerve to stick the words "Black and Tan" on the side of the bottle is pretty clearly a violation of at least three different articles of the Geneva Convention. Go buy yourself a six-pack of Spaten, or anything by Sam Adams, and live, for once.
The difference between a beer drinker and a beer snob is that a beer drinker values "drinkability" while a beer snob values "what I'm drinking not sucking".
Now, the decision of certain beer marketers made a little while back to start pushing "drinkability" is a pretty brilliant one, because a) most Americans are beer drinkers, not beer snobs, and b) what they're selling is, in fact, drinkable as all get-out.
It wasn't until my friend Jason pointed it out to me that I got why, though: (most) Americans want a beer they can drink vast quantities of without actually noticing because they don't drink to enjoy what they're drinking, they drink to get drunk.
While I'm not opposed to getting drunk, necessarily, I like to point out that the way to get drunk in an intellectually honest way is to pound shots, or (for the more classically minded) swill moonshine from a Mason jar. You drink "beer" like Bud/Coors/Miller/et. al. because you want to get hammered, and you haven't got the stones to admit it to yourself until you've had a few.
I would like to make an exception for a little thing called "BL Lime" I discovered at a Beer-themed Amusement Park (tm) earlier this summer. It's refreshing, delicious, and will get you drunk if you drink enough of it. Of course, it's not actually beer. It's a lime-and-beer flavored alcoholic soda. Which is actually pretty awesome.
I can drink this, because it's not actually beer.When it comes to drinking at home, however, I will stick to my snobby microbrews and imports, thank you very much. The title of this post refers to the fact that I went to undergrad in Texas, and thus have the command "drink Shiner Bock" imprinted on the small lizard part of my brain. I just found a local liquor store that stocks it at reasonable prices; I will be opening a tab with them soon, just like I did at that other purveyor of addictive substances, Rita's Water Ice.
A special note before I go to people who thing Yuengling is "good beer" (here's looking at you, Nate): I did my grad work near Philadelphia, where Yuengling flows like water, and the novelty quickly wears off. You should know: That is not good beer. That is Bud with a brunette dye job. The fact that they have the nerve to stick the words "Black and Tan" on the side of the bottle is pretty clearly a violation of at least three different articles of the Geneva Convention. Go buy yourself a six-pack of Spaten, or anything by Sam Adams, and live, for once.
-- The Prolix Wag
Because condescension is the new black.
Because condescension is the new black.
Okay... I love you, hun, but you and I are going to have to just agree to disagree on the Yuengling front. It is a beer that I thoroughly enjoy, but then, I prefer a very select number of beers in general... Stella Artois, Red Stripe, and Yuengling are my favorites, though.
ReplyDeleteOh, and if you want beer flavored soda that is (at least in my opinion) even better than Bud Light Lime, try their competition, Miller Chill. They came out first, and I still think it is the better of the two.
It's easy enough for ME to agree to disagree about something like this; I'm not incredibly, disastrously wrong. I couldn't bear to be that kind of wrong... but you're a stronger spirit than I.
ReplyDeleteHey PW,
ReplyDeleteI'm thrilled to make aquaintance with the birthings of your thoughts here on your bloggy-blog.
Moreover, you write good.
Kurt Chiang, a dear, dear friend of both mine and Gwen's, was recently in a show titled "BEER" here in Chicago. It was so good, I saw it four times. It was staged inside a local chicago microbrewery, and I now proudly own the soundtrack to said show. Suffice to say, the villain of the show was named Bud Miller, CEO of "Millweiser." If I get my technological elf cap on later, I will send you some music from the show.
You would have loved it.
I don't drink beer, but if I did, I would be a craft beer NERD.
Your friend in Time,
Gwynn
I love beer. I love good beer. I trust your opinion enough to go look for some Shiner Bock, and even to deign to try BL...though I won't buy it. I'll try it if someone else can be suckered into buying it for me.
ReplyDeleteI'm a fan of local brews around town. Most especially, Clipper City's beers (Red Sky at Night is my favorite), and whoever the brewery is in Westminster that makes Backfin Pale Ale. Buying local beers have a twofold benefit. They are good. And they are supportive of local and regional business. And supporting a business that tastes good with steamed crabs, and makes me feel snobby while drinking it over Ventrilo with my friends who are swilling the narsty stuff, is alright by me. :)
Just remember: BL is NOT BEER. Not beer. Your experience will be much improved if you bear that in mind.
ReplyDeleteI still say that Yuengling is a great beer. Not just for drinkablity ether. It has a great flavor, and if I'm drinking in the American style it will do the job. But More often then not I drink beer to enjoy the flavor.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on the "palate as the finest vintage of wine" front. I have said something very similar to friends of mine.
I do feel that some of the best beers come from Micro Brewers. There is one here in MD that I just love. It's also a restaurant, its called DuClaw.
I've walked by DuClaw many a time; haven't had a chance to get in to sample the brewage. I'll have to make time for it.
ReplyDeleteI am baffled by this delusion that so many otherwise rational people seem to have about Yuengling actually tasting... well, actually tasting much like anything. The only possibly explanation is Orbital Mind Control Lasers. I sense a Philadelphia-based, fratboybeer-centered Illuminati plot. If I do not post within twenty-four hours, you know who killed me.
Yes, I was quite pleased to find out that I can get Shiner here in southern California.
ReplyDeleteBut I must object that the Sam Adamses of the world are only middling beers, not truly GOOD ones.
Who said the words "Sam Adams" and "middling" in the same sentence? Not I. I've got a Cherry Wheat in hand at this very moment.
ReplyDelete